"Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing."
- Rollo May
While I was riding a jeepney going to work, I noticed that I am sharing seats with 4 mute students. They were exchanging stories using sign language. One thing I noticed is that every time that someone speaks, everyone of them listens.
And that got me thinking, how come they were able to communicate properly and they understand each other? Why is that when we, given the tongue and mouth to speak our minds and ears to listen, but still unable to understand each other?
I posted this question in my social network and I got tons of comments about it. And one comment struck me with those. Here it is:
"Because we listen to reply and not to understand."
I am guilty of this. And probably most of you are. We only listen so that we can reply or counter what the speaker is saying. We're being a selective listener and not an active listener.
Of course, there is still time to change. And to do that, here are some tips on becoming an active listener and understand what the speaker say.
- Look the speaker in the eye, I always do this. So that my focus will not be in any other things, I always do this whenever I am coaching someone.
- Listen attentively. If you can, stretch your ear so that we can get all the details and have our brains process it. When you do this, information will be going straight to long term memory part of the brain.
- Focus. Give our 100% attention to the speaker so that we can understand each and every word and message that the speaker want to impart.
I think we all have the sickness of communication breakdown. And this alone could get us into trouble. Would you like to start World War 3?
Kapish!